Aging Parents

With the excitement of 2024 being the year, I turn 50, there was one thing I did not anticipate. While intellectually I know my parents are getting older, since they have both never had any real health issues, it never occurred to me that there could be a sudden change as they continue to age. No one prepares you for that.  You are told to be prepared for college, for marriage, for parenting, for buying that first home, but no one ever really talks about aging parents.

My parents are both over 81 and both never really had any drastic health issues. We have been lucky.

My Dad continues to drive during the day and does what he can to stay busy. He manages his health, is surrounded by family, and does what he can to keep himself occupied.

My Mom, however, seems to be changing quickly.  It has been a lot to handle.  So, if I seem aloof and you think there is something else on my mind, there is nothing. I am blank. Sometimes, I am so emotionally drained that it is just empty.

So, I took the time to reflect a bit, and here are five things I have learned.

#1 Let go and celebrate

Familial relationships can be complicated, and I’ve learned that it is important to let go of past baggage that may weigh you down and celebrate the good times. You will need all the strength you have so letting go makes you lighter and makes it easier.

#2 Patience

With my Mom’s memory not being what it was, she has been repeating herself a ton. Often not remembering what she said just 10 minutes before. It was frustrating in the beginning. It is still frustrating. But the reality of this is where we are at, I realized it is role reversal. You are the “adult” now.

#3 Laugh

Learn to laugh with your parent during the process. It will keep your heart full, and it will allow them the hope of continuing to laugh.  For me, this required slowing down. Often, I’m so engaged in the “business of the day”, but I had to remember the importance of slowing down, and when I did, I was reminded to laugh with her.

#4 Support

You will need support. First off, your siblings and you will handle things very differently. They are different people. That can be frustrating, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t there. Secondly, find the support needed to support the parent when you are not there. Who else in their immediate circle can help, even if temporarily? Let them know what is going on. Finally, you need your support system. You need your friends, family and partners to be there to uplift you when needed.

#5 Grace

Give yourself grace; to fail, to fall, to be flawed. You are doing the best you can.